I really need at least 50 copies of The Ultimate Guide to Sexual Fantasy so I can give one to every person I discuss sex with. That’s how wonderful it is. It’s sex positive and contains all sorts of great ideas that I am going to need to jot down so I can discuss them with my boyfriend. This is not like any Cosmo magazine’s Tips to “Spice Up” Your Sex Life section, because it’s not a list of tricks like “tie your pantyhose around his penis”. Instead, it’s a comprehensive guide to all sorts of ways to make your sex life more fun. If “Introduction to Enhancing Your Sex Life” were a class, this would be one of the textbooks. (This is one of many books by Violet Blue that would be required reading.)
Instead of shoving a bunch of tips at the reader and saying “HEY YOU THERE, TRY THIS”, Violet encourages the reader to think about what turns them on. However, she does give A LOT of ideas for people eager to explore, and great advice on how to bring some of your fantasies to life. (She even suggests an actual formula to follow when creating a role play scene!) She also goes over topics such as how to plan ahead and where to find props. I found some sexy new fantasies I’d like to try out, and even thought about some of them during a masturbation break. Most chapters include an erotic short story by Alison Tyler that show some of the suggested scenarios in action. These stories are well-written and pretty hot, so I took many masturbation breaks while reading this book.
Violet does not restrict her target audience to straight females, like many guides do. She embraces “both men and women” (important note on this later!) and all sexual orientations. However, the guide is mostly geared toward couples. There is some information that could be relevant to singles (such as a whole chapter on masturbation, which of course is relevant to couples too!). However, a lot of the book contains ideas for sex with at least one partner, and due to the communication and trust required for many of the ideas listed, some of the suggestions are probably not a good idea to try with someone you just met. Therefore, singles may not get a lot of use out of this book, but it’s fairly inexpensive ($16.95, and only $9.99 on Kindle!), so in my opinion, it’s worth the investment, no matter what your relationship status is.
Here’s some things you can learn from this guide:
- How to explore your fantasies
- Communication skills (an often neglected topic in sex guides!)
- How to have sex in public (without getting caught)
- How to make your own porn (even going into details like what kind of film to use)
- How to find swingers’ clubs and sex parties
- Striptease, dirty talk, and erotic massage techniques
- How to set up a role play scene (and there’s tons of suggestions if you can’t think of a scenario on your own)
- How to have a threesome (or foursome, or orgy)
- S/M basics
- How to solicit a prostitute
- And a lot more, so just get the book already!
Even though some topics are explored very thoroughly, Violet acknowledges that there’s a lot more to learn! She provides a long list of resources for more in-depth study of almost all of the topics presented.
Since I really enjoyed this book, I couldn’t find any major problems with it. However, I do have a few more minor issues. My biggest critique is how Violet addresses gender. This book is fairly cisnormative; she uses the term “women” to refer to people with vaginas and “men” to refer to people with penises. I can see why she did this – based on her writing style, I can tell that this guide’s primary audience is not the sex-positive community (which often intersects with the queer community).2 She is targeting people raised in our3 sex negative culture, and trying to show them the light of sex positivity! Using the terms “people with vaginas” and “people with penises” might have confused readers. However, using terms like these, and including an explanation for them, would be a good way to be more inclusive. I realize this might seem really nitpicky to some of you, but many of my readers are gender variant (trans, genderqueer, non-binary, etc.), so I felt I should point this out.
I felt the need to list some more minor critiques, since I like nitpicking, so here’s a partial list:
Some people (e.g. Epiphora) may have issues with the flowery language (lots of metaphors!) and euphemisms used. People who value very straightforward language may find this annoying. However, it is still very clear what Violet is trying to say; she’s not trying to skirt around the subject. The word play merely makes things more interesting; switching things up once in a while can keep a reader’s attention. The only ridiculous euphemism I found was the use of the term “basket” to refer to male genitalia.
The safer sex chapter does not mention pregnancy at all. Apparently it’s important to know the risks of ejaculating into someone’s nose, but not methods to prevent pregnancy. Female (receptive) condoms are not mentioned either.
I’m really confused as to how she defines fetish. She seems to contradict herself.
These flaws are absolutely tiny compared with how wonderful and informative the guide is. Overall, The Ultimate Guide to Sexual Fantasy is pretty fantastic. Even if your sex life is already great, check out this book – you’ll likely find some new exciting things to try!
You’ll also find this highly specific quote that made me wonder where this inspiration came from:
“And don’t charge into the 7-Eleven in your sorcerer robes to use your mind control powers on the pretty wench in the candy aisle, even if she’s your wife.”
(I really felt the need to include that quote somewhere in this review. It’s too good to overlook.)
Why are you still on this page and not on the Cleis Press website? Go get this book already!